(no subject)

[gfish]

To Misters Chandler and Price,

I have recently come into possession of one of your printing presses. Let me begin by saying that it is a marvel of this new industrialized age, a truly inspiring example of just how far human ingenuity can push the advantages of miniaturization and mass production.

However, as a fellow inventor and entrepreneur, I feel obliged to draft this letter relating some minor problems I have found in your design. I sincerely hope you do not find this too forward or presumptuous of me. I maintain the highest regard for your esteemed presses; I merely hope to contribute in some small way to their improvement.

As part of a general refurbishment of the press I acquired, I was forced to remove the platen pivot assembly in order to clean the axle bearings and improve the general action of the device. Unfortunately, as I am sure someone of your intimate knowledge of the design will know, the cam roller which so cleverly and elegantly translates the rotary motion of the main drive gear into the oscillatory motion of the platen also serves to prevent the removal of the pivot assembly. You have, of course, foreseen this need and provide a most convenient aperture in the drive wheel, through which the bolt holding the cam roller in place may be accessed. To be sure, under the no doubt explemplary conditions you maintain in your factory, this would be more than enough for my purposes. Sadly, I am forced to report that the model I have on hand has suffered from exposure to the elements and the bolt in question is stuck most solidly and resists all torque that can be applied to its expossed thread by my fragile human fingers. This would not be a problem, it would not rate even a passing mention, were it not for the fact that the bolt head is completely smooth and flush with face of the roller. Didn't you consider basic maintenance requirements at all? I'm going to have to grind an ugly slot into a 115 year old bolt just so I can get it out and it's all your fault, you stupid Victorian assholes!

Faithfully yours,
Matthew Dockrey

Comments

[neuro42.livejournal.com]

Might want to consider drilling a hole and using a broken bolt extractor (which I have). You could then weld and/or putty up the hole pretty easily.

[loree.livejournal.com]

In walking through the Junction neighborhood of West Seattle this weekend, I discovered a printing shop that has a press very similar to yours. I'll have to see if I can get a picture of it some day when they're open.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

On the one hand, I sympathize. On the other, a letter containing a crescendo of ire whose recipients died long before you were born is hilarious.

[neuro42.livejournal.com]

Also, he misspelled "Messrs."

[gfish.livejournal.com]

Good idea. I should own a set of bolt extractors anyway. But it's still a stupid design.

[callibr8]

How attached are you to keeping the 115-year old bolt, once the disassembly, cleaning, and reassembly are done? Unless you feel strongly about it, this seems to me like a prime opportunity for renovation (i.e. replacing the old bolt with a new, non-flush-to-mount-point one), unless the clearances between parts are such that the bolt being non-flush causes problems in other operating modes.

[corivax.livejournal.com]

Ths bolt predates standard bolt sizing. :) Replacing it would be highly nontrivial.

[neuro42.livejournal.com]

Although you do have a CNC lathe and operator therefore who's volunteered to make such parts.

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

It just struck me that you might enjoy reading phuphuphnik's journal. I have suggested the same to him.

[callibr8]

I have a 1910 house; I know all about non-standard.

However, once it is extracted, wouldn't it make sense to see if, just by off-chance, there *is* a current standard size that would fit? Might happen. Seems like threads-per-inch might have been standard, even if diameter is not...

[corivax.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, there's more to bolts than thread-per-inch; there's also thread shape, pitch, and the like.

At best, they're Sellers bolts, which were standardized but aren't made any more due to their tendency to randomly crumble. Instead of the rounded edges on the spiral threads of modern bolts, Sellers bolts had nice perfect straight angles. Stress put on the bolts concentrates at the sharp lines of the corners, and the thread breaks off.

At worst, they were hand-cut by a blacksmith with plates made especially for this press. In which case, they were probably still straight-angled, but not standardized in any useful way.

neuro42 could make a new one, but I don't know if that's going to be the easiest way.

[gfish.livejournal.com]

This bolt in particular is completely non-standard, since the head doubles as the axle for the cam roller. The thread profile looks modern, so there is a chance I could find a die that would work, but the rest would have to be done on a lathe. Theoretically I could do it on the lathe I've got in the basement, but it wouldn't be fun.

It's only visible as the inch-wide access hole in the big drive wheel swings over it, so I probably wouldn't bother.

[eleventoes.livejournal.com]

I'm watching your press refurbishment with much interest. Your plight made me sad. Your letter made me laugh.

"Victorian Assholes" is the new phrase of the week.

[niac.livejournal.com]

I find your extensive knowledge of bolts and threading refreshing. :-)

[ashley-y.livejournal.com]

I feel the last two sentences lack the appropriate measure of arch sarcasm.

[cow.livejournal.com]

Wow, you sure nailed that one. Good eye.

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

Your tone slipped in those last few sentences...

[hello-mike.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed reading the phrase "a crescendo of ire whose recipients died long before you were born".

[gement.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I am not the only pedant who noticed that.

[olafthunderfoot.livejournal.com]

sucktastic! have you tried applying heat the the area that the bolt threads into, or soaking the bolt with a penetrating oil such as PB blast?